30 x 30

Tomorrow is May. You might not necessarily know it, looking out my sewing room window. It snowed yesterday and through the night. There’s about an inch on the ground this morning.

I’ve decided to join David Suzuki’s 30×30 Nature Challenge. For 30 days, starting May 1st, I have committed to spending at least 30 minutes out in nature each day. Now that’s not a huge commitment, really, considering that in nice weather, I like to get outside anyway. Especially with Sam in the mix these days. He absolutely loves being outside! But on days where there’s snow sitting on the ground (AT THE END OF APRIL!!!), going outside for a nature adventure, will be challenging.

We’ll see how it goes. We will soon be without a kitchen and in the middle of chaotic renos, so going outside to the backyard, the park, or cabin will probably be a very welcome escape.

Yellow spring crocus(I know I recently used this photo on the blog, but I couldn’t resist posting it again. A little sign of my hope for spring.)

Hair today…

Hair cutting donation
… gone tomorrow. I realized recently that I didn’t share with you what happened to all the hair that got chopped off during the cancer fundraising event. Well, it got bundled up and sent in the mail to be used in wig making for cancer patients. I was super excited that my hair fit the requirements for donation (no treatments or dyes, at least 8″ long and no more than 5% gray hair). It takes something like 6-8 separate donations of hair to make a single wig. Makes each and every donation that much more important. I’m happy to think that not only were we able to raise a good chunk of money for the Alberta Cancer Foundation, but we were also able to help a cancer patient get one step closer to feeling a bit more beautiful again. If you’re every thinking about making a drastic hair change (aka cutting off at least 8″), consider making a donation to the Pantene Beautiful Lengths program.

Give up a little…

Sarah before the headshave…to give a little. The month went by so quickly, and the day is here. The fundraising my sister-in-law Tina and I have been doing for the past several weeks is about to culminate in a bit of an event tonight, when we SHAVE our heads! Not sure why we would do such a thing? Read about it here.

The results of our fundraising campaign far exceeded our expectations! Our original goal was only $1,000 which we raised in ONE day! We obviously underestimated the generosity of friends, family, co-workers, and teammates. Our second goal was $2,500 which we raised in THREE days! So we went ahead and set the next goal to $3,500 which we happily met & surpassed this past week. Last time I checked, we were sitting at $4,450!!! So unbelievable!

Tina and I have been overwhelmed by the donations, offers for prayers and kind thoughts & emails! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have made this whole journey worthwhile! We’re super excited to shave our heads now! And we will be kept warm all winter with the knowledge that our little deed was met with such amazing love & support, and together we can make a difference in the fight against cancer in Alberta!

Wish us luck tonight! Hope to share pictures of the head shave with you in a couple of days.

To mom, with love

I heart momIt was with a heavy heart that we discovered in September that my mom’s cancer was still present, even after months of chemo last year. And it is still spreading. She has an uncommon form of endometrial cancer called uterine serous carcinoma. It is already far along at Stage III.

On Oct. 29th she started another round of chemotherapy, with a different drug. It’s hard to know how this whole situation will go. Will she become quite sick from the treatment? Will the chemo slow the spread? Will it eradicate the cancer? How long will this go on for? So many questions, and no real clear answers.

Another question that comes to mind is, what else can we be doing to help? Specifically, what can “I” do? I pondered this quite a bit and there are lots of ways I can support my mom during this time, but one new thing popped into my head this time around. It came quite clearly and confidently to me, as I sat rocking my baby boy one night. It was one of those rare moments when you have a sudden thought and know in an instance, deep down that is exactly what you should & will do.

I’m going to shave my head. I will go from long flowy locks to buzz cut in an effort to raise funds for the Alberta Cancer Foundation & the Tom Baker Cancer Centre. Honestly, it’s such a simple act. Give up something for a time. Not forever, because it will grow back. I’m blessed to be able to make the choice when so many others don’t get to decide whether or not they will lose their hair, including my mom. It’s an inconvenience for me (since we’re headed into winter), but the symbolic support it offers seems greater than all that.

So come the end of November, I will shave my head (along side my most wonderful sister-in-law Tina). To mom, with love.

If you would like to donate to this fundraiser, click here. Every little bit helps us all. You could also help by keeping my mom, Jan, in your prayers in the coming weeks. Thank you for your support!

Sad goodbyes and anxious hellos

Marcus & Sarah Napping
Photo by Scott Frank

That is how much of 2011 went. Started the past year off by saying goodbye to a much loved job and wonderful co-workers after a round of layoffs, which allowed me to dive into the nerve-wracking adventure of running my own craft business. I sat for months anxiously awaiting the birth of my friend’s babies, two special ones in particular, while mourning our own loss when my first pregnancy came to a sad and quick end (I don’t think I ever really said much about that here on the blog… a very private loss that has become a bit easier to share now that we have a healthy, full-term baby on the way). All the while, my mother’s diagnosis was going from pretty good to not-so-good when it was discovered that her cancer was already stage 3.

Hubby and I made the decision somewhere along the way to be baptized, together. It started out as a way to confirm the faith and reliance in God that has grown stronger and stronger in our lives. To say goodbye to old thoughts and habits, to be forgiven and to forgive. Who knew one of my greatest challenges would come the very night before our baptism? A horrible phone call to confirm fears that I’ve carried with me for too long. My oldest brother had died. At first we wondered how we could possibly go through with our baptism the next day… but that quickly changed to “how could we not?!” A clear sign from above that life is precious and often shorter than we expect. So instead of pulling away from our faith, we leaned into it even more.

Saying goodbye to my brother has had to be the hardest thing to do this year. In a way it has become more difficult for me as my due date draws near, knowing that he will miss holding his first niece or nephew. We will make sure our little one knows who he was and the amazing things he did to change the lives of others.

And so we sit and wait for the greatest of “hellos” we will ever have. A hello to the small life that has been growing inside me, to the person who has and will continue to forever change our lives. If we thought 2011 was a full and life changing year, just wait till this small babe arrives in only eleven more sleeps. Here we come 2012…

And then it was week 33

Little Baby Face

Somehow, today marks the beginning of week 33 of this pregnancy. I’m really not sure how we even got here. What a blur the past few months have been! I simply couldn’t ask for a more healthy and uncomplicated pregnancy. Sure, I have to have a c-section, but that’s not the end of the world. Baby is super average in all regards, developing along just as expected and, besides tiredness, I’ve been quite healthy and feelin’ good. Managed to survive six Christmas craft sales, with one left to go. AND we still don’t know what we’re having (boy or girl), which is becoming more and more exciting as we approach the delivery date!

Baby Fist Punching
Baby fist giving momma a little punch

The nursery is all painted, the furniture picked out, but not purchased yet. Car seat, stroller, and bassinet are waiting to be used. We’ve hired a postpartum doula, AJ Appleton, to give us a hand during the first few weeks and I look forward to getting to know her more as we go forward. Our prenatal classes through Alberta Health start up next week and towards the end of December I will be getting a lesson in breastfeeding from our doula. Our dear friend Scott will be doing a photo shoot for us, capturing the baby belly and some family portraits of the *three* of us (mama, daddy, and baby belly). My amazing friends and family are hosting a baby shower and it will just be so nice to see everyone before the Christmas holiday craziness gets into full swing. All the bits and pieces seem to be coming together. And it’s a good thing too, because we have less than six weeks till baby arrives and once we throw Christmas and multiple birthdays into the mix, December is sure to go by quickly. I can’t recall if I shared my c-section date here on the blog… it is set for January 12th. A Thursday. One week after my mom’s birthday (what a special gift to her this year).

Baby Foot
Baby foot about 2.5 inches long

A little confession

Baby BibsA confession so small that it currently only measures about 5cm in length. One of the main reasons I have been missing-in-action here on the blog is that my itty bitty secret has been keeping me too exhausted to do much the past several weeks. But here’s hoping that the coming months will improve. So what could be so small and yet have completely and utterly changed my life? You might have guessed it… I am indeed pregnant!!

Phew! That feels good to get off the chest. So hard to talk about anything on this blog without letting it slip. Everything revolves around that little baby, leaving not much else to post about. What books am I currently reading? Pregnancy books. What am I currently crocheting? Baby sweaters. What do I do in my spare time lately? Sleep. Why do I feel like crap and why can’t I get over this cold? Etc. And as, I said, not much energy to do more than the basics these days, so posting has gone out the window. Sorry. You’ll just have to be a bit patient with me.

Let’s see… I’m about twelve weeks along and due sometime in mid-January. The due date has changed no less than three times so far. Needless to say, I’ve given up obsessing over a date. We have a month, and that’s good enough for me (for now). The baby looks healthy and growing rapidly. We’ve already had a couple of ultrasounds done and it is truly amazing to see how things just develop along. A whole little human growing inside of me! We’ve been praying and praying along with friends and family for this moment for some time now and I don’t think I will ever be more amazed by anything else (except maybe meeting this babe in person). Truly great praise for answered prayers!

Oh and the random fruit posts that have been going up as part of the Keyword Story series… the baby’s size each week corresponds to the fruit. Sneaky, eh? Not so much. I know. I’m trying. Looks like we are currently on “plum” week.

PS – I made the baby bibs in the photo for a friend based on the pattern from Bend-the-Rules Sewing by Amy Karol. You can bet that there will be plenty more crafting for babelettes to come!

A very full week

Asparagus FieldA pack of dogs, new sewing projects, joyful news, sad news, basement flooding, a yarn party, asparagus, roller derby, lots of driving, kitty-sitting, and naps where ever I could squeeze them in. These all filled my time the past several days to the point of almost overflowing. Well, you could say it did overflow since the heavy rains leaked into our basement. There was lots of mopping, ringing out towels, and mumbling profanity as we watched water come in from a newly discovered crack in our foundation. This seemed like the icing on the cake for a rather bumpy week. It certainly wasn’t ALL bad. I suppose that’s what makes the roller coaster of life difficult at times though. For the briefest of moments, it feels like you get to enjoy happy news, only to be slapped with sadness and challenges again.

One happier note was that I started a new job, part-time at a doggie daycare called Back in the Pack. Each day has meant meeting new dogs and learning new personalities. It has been fascinating to watch the dynamics of “the pack”. An average day seems to be about 24-28 dogs, so things can feel pretty chaotic at times, but I’m slowly getting a handle on all of it. The new job has also opened up the possibility of new product to sew and sell, which has led to a bit of brainstorming and sample making.

Cooked Asparagus DishesOn Saturday, hubby and I got out of the city for a while and ventured into the countryside to the Asparagus Festival. It was quite a lot of fun, actually! We were both quite curious about how asparagus is grown and it was neat to be on such a large working farm. The farm itself has been in the same family since 1907 and is primarily a traditional grain farm, but in recent years, they have started growing market garden veggies, including asparagus. Needless to say, we picked up a BIG bag of asparagus, which hubby quickly turned into soup and jars of pickled asparagus.

Also scored a bunch of ground beef, to restock our deep freeze, which has been sadly lacking “happy cow” these past couple of months. Can’t wait for the autumn, when we can pick up more local “happy cow”. We have convinced ourselves to buy a full half cow this time around. We are down to our last package of “happy pig”, but this is an easier meat to re-stock and we still have plenty of “happy lamb” to keep us nourished. If you’ve never really tried eating any of these “happy” animals, then I highly recommend it! I find it is soo hard to eat meat from the typical grocery store now. “Unhappy” meat has so little flavour and even the colour seems odd to me after experiencing “happy” meat. Asparagus FarmHubby and I call it “happy” because the animals get to live like animals, free range, grass-fed, not locked up and pumped full of hormones. We aren’t into being vegetarian, but we do choose to buy the majority of our meat from local farmers who respect their animals. The one “happy” critter we have yet to track down is chicken, so sadly we have continued to buy small amounts of it from the grocery store. We’re still searching though… we’d love if Calgary by-laws were finally changed to allow residents to keep backyard chickens, so at least we would have “happy” eggs to eat.

Somehow this post turned into a moral meat talk. That’s how scattered my brain has been. Wish me luck this week, that I can keep it all together enough to get through each day.

Nancy and I (part 2)

Three months passed quickly with not much changed and we found ourselves back in the doctor’s office discussing the state of my fibroid. We arranged to have tests done on my husband to ensure that he wasn’t “shooting blanks” as so many like to folks say. I had a bunch of blood work done and another ultrasound. The ultra sound indicated that the fibroid had now grown to the size of a cantaloupe, which was about a two-inch increase. This started to worry me more. Waiting around for me to get pregnant was giving Nancy, the fibroid, time to grow and further complicate things. My symptoms had been getting worse. Heavy bleeding two weeks of the month is not fun. Missing work because of heavy bleeding and painfully crippling cramps is not fun. Having to pee every half hour to hour is just plain annoying. And being able to feel and see a strange lump on your lower abdomen, that you know is not a fetus, is very disconcerting.

This is when Plan B was formed. We would go ahead with surgery to remove the fibroid and hope and pray that all the worse-case scenarios of hysterectomy and infertility would be avoided. My surgical date was set for August, a mere four month wait. It had already been a year since it was first discovered, and at first the thought of waiting four months to have the surgery didn’t bother me much. We had a lot of family events to fit in during that time (my brother was getting married in Poland and we would be travelling there for it), but as the months went by and I was in increasing discomfort, I got anxious to get the whole thing over with. Two months before the surgery, I was actually starting to look pregnant. In fact, I was mistaken as such a couple of times on our trip to Europe. It was pretty devastating and frustrating to think that all I was growing in there was a big ugly tumor. The fact that I looked so much bigger, had me quite worried about how much it was actually growing. Oh, how I started to really hate Nancy.

By August 4th 2010, my surgical date, I was nervous and simply exhausted. Heavy bleeding, constant soreness, worrying, bloating, all of it, was taking its toll. Not to mention the extreme emotional rollercoaster that had been our lives since June. We had managed to fit in the marriage of my middle brother, the death of my father-in-law, the marriage of my husband’s niece, and the near death of my oldest brother. I was ready to check into the hospital and focus on myself for a time. I can’t say I wasn’t nervous, because I truly was. I’d never had to stay in the hospital as a patient and as they rolled me through the doors to surgery and away from my husband, I started to tear-up.

The procedure was very invasive. The size of the fibroid required an abdominal myomectomy, which is open surgery with a large incision and a long recovery period. I found out later that the surgery itself went quite a bit longer than anticipated because they were having difficulty removing the entire fibroid through the horizontal incision that was made. A vertical incision would have given the doctors more room, but would have been even more difficult to heal. In then end, the fibroid turned out to measure about 12x12x10 inches, close to double the size since the last ultrasound. It weighed just shy of 5 pounds! I had almost forgotten what my mostly flat tummy looked like!

I will save you the details of my “fun” at the hospital. I stayed there for four days and was then able to go home. My hubby worked from home the first week, so that he could be on hand if I needed any help with food and such. I had already arranged with work to be off for the seven weeks that my doctor and surgeon had determined I would need to recover. It was slow going. Sleeping was incredibly difficult. It was weeks before I could even lay down flat without the support of every pillow in the house. I slept a lot. The first two weeks were literally just getting up to take pills, eat, shuffle a little loop around the house and then back to bed. Repeat several times a day. My constant companion was our cat Chloe. She loved the hours spent dozing in bed, but became frustrated when she found out that she couldn’t sleep on my tummy or crawl on me. I had to resort to keeping a pillow on my lower abdomen to keep her from causing a painful shock as I slept. Oh, but I wouldn’t have dared denied her companionship during the many weeks at home. There really isn’t too much photo-wise to share in regards to my journey with Nancy, the fibroid, so here is a photo of Miss Chloe instead.

Chloe in the sun

Nancy and I (part 1)

In April 2009, my doctor discovered that I had fibroid growing on my uterus. At the time, the ultrasound indicated that it was about the size of a grapefruit (oh, yes, doctors do seem to love equating growth sizes with types of fruit). I was definitely a bit shocked and nervous when I first found out. What the heck was a fibroid? Why was it growing on my uterus? And how would this impact my ability to have children? My head filled with questions, which my family physician didn’t seem too keen to answer her self. Instead she referred me to a specialist. In Alberta, that process sadly means that you wait about a month before finding out if you’ve gotten an appointment somewhere, and then wait another 6-12 months for the actual appointment. I was so severely disappointed by all of this. My family physician assured me that the fibroid, which is a type of tumor, is very, very, rarely cancerous and that was supposed to comfort me during my 6-12 month wait to see someone who could tell me what was going on and what my options were.

Of course, the worry about cancer still clung in the back of my brain, but what I was most concerned about was how this would affect my chances of having children. Would the fibroid continue to grow during the long wait to see a specialist? And if so, would that put my fertility at greater risk? My husband and I had finally reached the stage where we were excited to start trying for children. We’d spent the six months before my diagnosis moving back to Calgary to be closer to our families, getting good jobs, buying our first house, all in preparation for starting a family. Beyond all these things, we were both finally truly looking forward to having children and having them soon. It had never occurred to me that we might run into obstacles with that. Of all the things we’d struggled through, surely getting pregnant would be the least difficult. This strange fibroid discovery de-railed all my preconceived notions of easy or straightforward childbearing.

During the anxious wait to talk to a specialist, I hit-up Wikipedia for information and took out books from the public library about fibroids. I learned about all the various types, the symptoms, and treatments. I tried to educate myself as much as possible and kept a list of questions to ask the specialist when I finally had my appointment. Without getting into too much complex stuff, basically, a uterine fibroid is a type of tumor that grows from the tissue of the uterus. They are not sure why they start growing in the first place, but they do rely on the presence of estrogen and progesterone and often grow rapidly during high estrogen states (like pregnancy). They can be quite small or quite big. You might have just one at a time, or you may have several. They can be completely asymptomatic, causing no problems, or they can cause a whole assortment of problems (pain, heavy bleeding, extreme bloating, miscarriages, etc.). Through the course of all of this learning and trying to adjust, I decided that my fibroid needed a name and so for what ever reason (I can’t even recall) I began referring to it as Nancy. Nancy and I didn’t get along all that well, but I was stuck with her and she with me for the time-being.

Eventually, my appointment date arrived (sooner rather than later with persistent calling). Accompanied by my loving hubby, we sat and discussed the issues, the options, and the worse- and best-case scenarios. The main concern the specialist had was that the fibroid was a fairly large for someone my age (28 at the time) and also I hadn’t had children yet, which we did want to do. So we formed Plan A, which was to start trying for children. With luck, I’d get pregnant and we’d just have to monitor the fibroid throughout the pregnancy. However, if I didn’t become pregnant within a few months, we would start doing some testing to ensure that everything else health-wise was good with both my husband and myself.