Just now beginning to catch up on things following all the Christmas craziness. I keep thinking back to what last December was like for us. I was nearing the end of my pregnancy, tired, uncomfortable, anxious to welcome our little babe into the world. My physical condition forced me to simplify & be patient. The sadness of celebrating our first Christmas last year without my brother Blake was an additional element that brought a lot of reflection & peace with my own life.
This year was packed with a lot more activity, expectations, long days & nights, less time to sit & enjoy the true meaning & purpose of the season. Although I do love visiting with family, and enjoyed seeing Sam spend time with everyone, I felt a bit “done” by the time Christmas Eve rolled around (and we still had multiple days of “Christmas” celebrating left). It didn’t help either, that by Boxing Day, baby boy had come down with a fever, wasn’t sleeping well, and clearly not feeling good at all.
I feel a bit bad that I’m lamenting a Christmas spent with family, tasty food, wonderful gifts & such, when so many people don’t experience even a bit of that. But I can’t help but feel that this year, I somehow missed out on the feeling of Christmas. I lost my way at some point during the month. I feel even worse, since this was Sam’s very first Christmas, a truly special moment that I wished I could have been more present in.
I’m tired. Confused. There’s just too many changes going on with baby boy right now (trouble sleeping & nursing, horrible crying spells). I really don’t know what to make of it all. It’s definitely not feeling like the happiest time of year. Actually it all feels a bit empty.
I think about it every year, simplifying Christmas. We’ve made some small steps towards this, but still somehow, get sucked back into it all. Shauna and I came across a great post from Red and Honey blog about five ways to simplify Christmas. Of course, we read this at the beginning of December (a bit too late to attempt this year). I want to keep it mind though, for next year. It seems like it will become even more important as Sam gets older.
Le sigh. Le very big sigh.
Feels like such a downer blog post. Especially about Christmas. Sorry. I hope that you had some truly joyful moments this season and were touched by the warmth of Christmas where ever you found yourself this year.